20th of February 2010
Dear attendants who followed me on my way on the last two years: Your encouragement and your confidence gave me power and has helped me to weather through those heavy moments and backslides. Celebrating little achievements and ascents with you still gives me motivation to keep going. I learned and experienced a lot. The accident has changed me. A lot looks clearer and I go on my way still enjoying every step on my both legs. Time has showed me that only myself can know the right way and all the well-meant advices are nothing else than well-meant advices.
It is time to end my Healing Vibrations Diary. All recovery needs to have an ending. It doesn´t mean that I won´t keep on improving and reaching new goals. To follow up a matter have a look in the category News fulfilling my slogan ‚Better than ever'. Love, Anne
15th of February
Nearly half a year is over since I had the operation. From time to time there´s a little pinching in my leg and when I am tired I fall back into old patterns of movement. But every morning I wake up, sensing into my leg, moving it gently and feeling totally happy that there´s no pain. The first step out of the bed still is so amazing to me: Hurra, no more pain! Like a child in his game, I am deeply touched and in pleasure. Walking through the deep snow and swimming laps in the pool makes the leg strong. I will be back on the water soon!
5th of January 2010
Every step I walk on both of my legs is a gratification. Little hikes in the west Ibiza hills are touching my heart. They are small, not challenging and I rest a lot, too. But it is wonderful. It is as high as I can get right now and I enjoy it a lot. I feel like a little child learning to walk again and I hope that this feeling of enjoying each step with my whole body and senses will last very long. In that mood even the numb foot is not bothering me. I just pay good attention.
31st of December
The last ten days made me again an observer how diagnosis change your way of feeling yourself in a special way. Suspicion on a herniated vertebrae disc. Super, that is missing in my collection. Backpain? No! Although, days after the diagnosis, probably more tension in the lower back. Bloody, please no pathology in the MRI. Yes, excluded!
Well, it could also be something going on in your brain. Oh, even better! People always told me that there is something strange with my brain.... Suspicion on multiple sclerosis? Me? Only the thought of that diagnosis makes me feeling completely paralysed. Again MRI, this time slices of my brain. Totally healthy!
I am so happy and relieved that those painful tentative diagnosis could be left in the year 2009.
Cheers! And a wonderful Happy New Year to all of you out there.
23rd of December
Kickback! A palsy and paresthesia in my leg showing me what some people already told me: I over did it. Too much training. My body needs time to addapt to the new circumstances. This is a tough lesson for me: I need to slow down. That´s life: You think you are over it and in the next moment it comes right back on you.
Having said this: All of you, have a merry christmas!
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."~ Albert Einstein
27th of November
German Masters international Riding Competition in Stuttgart. Crowds of people are passing and there is the difference: Usually they have looked agitated onto my locomotor system. Not this time, they look at my face! Seems like my walking isn´t that different than from the other people. Without having experienced that it is hard to understand the dimension of the gratification of that moment. 20 months later... The result of mo chi chu - moving forward without hesitation.
18th of November
I could do it, for sure! It was like there was no time where I couldn´t do it. Today was the day. Saddling my horse, climbing up and here we go. Walk, trab, gallop and a small jump to one side - harmonious, without any feeling that there is something artificial in me. Ordinary, but wonderful.
8th of November
Continuous improvement. Life is wonderful. Still being aware of the pain I had before the operation I honor every hour without. Extraordinary people, strict training, rest and pleasure, that´s what makes the difference.
‚Life isn´t about how to survive in the storm but how to dance in the rain.'
29th of October
Stagnation and exhaustion is coming over me. Small walks are making me tired. When is it getting better? Feeling down I met my Feldenkrais practitioner. He is also worried when seeing me walking and still limping. After his lesson I walk without realizing that I don´t limp and he shouts at me: Look at this. What? Your upper body stays in perpendicular with the rest! After 20 months that was the first time. We fall in each others arms and celebrate the big step. When you are down and it seems like nothing works any more, go ahead and you will see the sunshine at the end of the road.
25th of October
Back on Maui. My whole body relaxes. I decided to leave the crutches at home and instead took some Nordic Walking Sticks. It looks healthier! Walking still is exhausting but the water feels so good. Time to get better. From day to day and from hour to hour.
14th of October
Blow me down! While training in the pool my hip makes a tight connection with with the foot of a swimmer next to me. It hit the mark! In the first moment I don´t have the heart to sense that area. Any pain? Ahhm, no. Nothing happend. It is time now to let go of thinking in hip replacement categories. A life with those notional boundaries isn´t that fun. Rock ´n Roll!
10th of Ocotber
18 months ago a crash out of 10 meters changed my life in a second and uncompromisingly. I defined myself in sports. That´s it, I thought. Where is my base? It is evident - Live goes on. Defeat became a challenge, out of the challenge there came possibilities. Every day there are challenges for all of us. We only need to look at them and use them - if we like!
5th of October
Who would have thought that there are people even more stubborn to get an artificial joint than I have been. And they are so right. It is a decision that needs responsibility and nobody can do it for you. More knowledge doesn´t necessarily make the decision easier. What helped me were stories from sports people that expressed the feeling of: You can do it! That feeling was stronger than any fear in the complications. Whenever you catch yourself that you complain more than being happy, than you should modify something. Just do it!
20th of September
And I thought the promenade will go on like this...
I did the first little steps without the crutches and in my childish greenness I saw myself walking like a topmodel down the runway. Reality is different and first I was disappointed. But let´s count one and one togehter: My body was in a limping mode for 16 months. Than we changed the structure into a harmonious working joint. Now it ist he brain that needs to remind itself on how it was when I prefered running instead of walking and it will send those impulses down to the muscles.
16th of September
My inner child is coming back. People around me have hard work to stop me from doing all kind of nonsense. I am bursting of energy, ideas and new tasks. What a difference to live without pain.
Being alive and vivid makes the world more colorful and exciting. Being in that state we realize the numbness we were in before. A shame that we can´t see it when we are deep down there.
9th of September
Tilli is 10 years old. 2 weeks ago she also got a hip operation and more of them are planned to follow during her growth. „I would love to have a plastic hip, as you have", she said to me. Her playful, open and light way to deal with her situation in the presence talks to me a lot. It is not about what we have, it is about how we think about it and what we do with it. Enjoy fully!
5th of September
Amazing, what kind of pain and limitation did I tolerate in the last months. I feel so free. Although I only bear 10 kilogramms of weight on that leg, most of the limitation has gone. And that is just the beginning! Therefore I spent the last two nights in my caravan standing next to the sea, listening to strong west winds and waves smashing on the coast. Aloha!
25th of August
Unbelievable how fast recovery occurs. Some days after the operation I am walking, I feel strong and better than ever. There is a challenge: I am only allowed to do very little things. The operation wasn´t easy, the accident left lots of trauma in the tissue, it takes time to heal. That´s a hard one for me! Therefore I get feedback from all around and amazingly my surgeon is the best: He lights me up while telling me what is not working. That inspires me to go for it and relax. Let time pass by, let it heal.
18th of August
I had a dream, where I was laying on the operating table as well as assisting my surgeon with the operation. Things like this are happening when you know way too much! Now I need to switch to be just a normal patient with some further knowledge about the matter. Strange ideas are appearing about other methods of the operation and I am very happy about my surgeon, who brings me back to the ground and leads me through those exciting days.
11th of August
I am trying to reach sports people that are doing professional sport with a hip replacement. Sometimes it is good to have a role model, although everybody needs to go their own way. Therefore I contacted Floyd Landis and I am very excitet to hear how his Titan works.
"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." Muhammad Ali
10th of August
Excellent big waves, blowing sand and salty water bubbles in a blue and sunny sky - that is Helgoland, in the middle of the North Sea. The preparations for the operation and the project „Better than ever" are flowing and reaching the top. Therefore I am in the water most of the time and my swim coach is pushing me: I hate those sprints! Because I can hardly walk this is the way for my muscles to stay in a little shape.
„Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose." Dr. Wayne Dyer
29th of July
„Even if you are on the right track, you´ll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
I made my choice - I move forward. Although my body made enormous progress during my stay on Maui, the Feldenkrais work and the training in the water, I realized that I can´t reach the physical level I need to reach to be happy. I will go for the operation and get a new hip. The mantra from my friend Gary Ryan is: Better than ever. I like that!
Giving my hip a last chance I decided to visit Maui. As a kitesurfer this is a big dream - the mecca! Full of resistance against another operation, I met people inviting me into a realm from where I could see the operation as a chance rather than something I have to fight against. That was an unexpected change for me - thanks to the team.
After going back to work for several months I was diagnosed with a femoral hip necrosis. The missing blood supply within the huge damage in that area didn´t heal the way I wanted it to heal. However I refused to go for the hip replacement and started looking for alternatives. On my way I met interesting people, doing wonderful work to assist me in healing my body and mind. Realizing how important the attitude towards the injury is and not concentrating only on the problem, but seeing the progress, helped me enjoying life through accepting the pain. Acupuncture, Feldenkrais, Osteopathy, Chiropractic, Network Spinal Analysis, Meditation, Nutrition and swim training are assisting territories on the way.
The accident gave me the biggest challenge I have had so far. The moment I felt something was going wrong with my kite I already saw how it will end. While still flying I knew that it wasn´t gonna kill me, but I knew that it would injure me hard enough. Than while laying on the beach, feeling the cracked arterie and the blood pouring into the pelvis, feeling the pain and not being possible to move I asked myself if it would be possible to change the time, going back and making it unhappend. That was a serious question! When I realized that it happened and that´s what I can deal with, at that moment I could relax and accept it. Interesting experience, that learned me a lot about life and dealing with uncomfortable situations.
A week after I had the severe accident in kitesurfing I recorded a video in the hospital where I was operated. At this time I couldn´t move anything except my arms and my head. You can watch in on www.mogulus.com/healingvibrations